Just a few gems from the late, great Tommy Cooper . . .
Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
A man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head.The doctor says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'
'Doctor, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.'
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' says the vet, 'Let's have a look at him.'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's really heavy.'