Winston here . . . p’rrrrr, p’rrrrr . . .
I haven’t blogged for five months, don’tcha know. Have you missed me?
Akchalee I don’t know what months is. Is it food? I don’t think it can be ‘cos I don’t usually get no food when I blog, just my usual rations which I might tell you is a bit thin at the moment. That’s ‘cos I went to see Kate-the-Vet and after I’d made a BIG fuss of her and she told me I was gorgeous and had wonderful clean teeth she spoilt it by saying I could do with losing just a little bit of weight. Last year Nadia-the-Vet said the same thing and so Mrs Human put me on short rations. I had to catch spiders and flies to make up the difference, don’tcha know. Do you remember?
Anyway, after a while, everyone (except Mrs H) forgot all about what Nadia-the-Vet said and went back to giving me treats when I asked for them. I ask very nicely and the Humans (except Mrs H) love it and tell me a little won’t hurt. I like it specially when Gillian comes ‘cos she really can’t resist my winning ways and offers to feed me and then she puts lots of food out for me and my tummy gets really stretched – it’s lovely! After that I just sleep and dream for hours and hours.
Well, this time, Mrs H told Mr H that *I have got to lose weight (she keeps saying that and Mr H just nods and smiles) But she said, ‘I mean it, he’s got to be rationed,’ and Mr H said, ‘But he asks so nicely in the mornings and he really enjoys his bit of chicken/ham/cheese/shrimp/tuna.’ (That’s not all at the same time, course!) In the end he agreed and I was very disappointed, don’tcha know. I thought I had him proply trained. So now he gives me just one little treat and I have to wait for my breakfast before my tummy feels full again.
I tell you, I got so hungry the other night that I opened the cupboard door and dragged out the tube of shrimp treats and a bag of dog biscuits and I tried and tried to open them but I just couldn’t. Course, just before I went to see Kate-the-Vet, Mrs H cut my claws ‘cos I kept getting hooked on things. The other day I got stuck to a cushion and it followed me everywhere. Gus barked, silly boy and Mrs H laughed when she saw me though she tried not to let me see. So course I couldn’t get a good grip on the bag of biscuits.
I’m trying to work out how to get into the fridge now. The Humans have had fridge-raiding cats before so I’m sure I can find a way. I think if I sit and stare at it long enough it will open. I talk to it, too. Watch this space!
The other thing about having blunt claws is that I slide off things. Usually when I stretch up on Mr H’s legs I can hang on but now I just slip off. Never mind, my claws will grow again.
There’s a funny **red thing that appears now and then and I chase it but I can’t never catch it. It’s odd – it don’t smell or make a noise and I don’t know where it goes when it’s not there – or here. Gus don’t know nothing about it, neither and he can’t catch it, too. Mind you, he don’t move as fast as me.
The Humans know how much I love bird-watching so they very kindly moved the bird feeders closer to the house. I spend many a happy hour watching and chittering at the birds. I think they’d like to come and see me, too, don’tcha know, ‘cos several of them have banged on the patio door.
That’s all I’ve got. Be good!
* Winston's not very overweight ; he just needs to slim down a little!
**It’s a laser light)