Saturday, 17 September 2011

Saturday Centus #72

Jenny Matlock is getting her own back for suffering through a 4D film and has set the task of using the prompt In the autumn in a verse set to the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle  - oh, and you should be able to sing it, too. Thank goodness she hasn’t demanded a vlog! J          
The prompt forms three of the 32 - yes 32words we are allowed to use!
Attempt #1:-
In the autumn days grow short,
Nights seem longer than they ought.
Leaves are falling, winds blow cold,
Sun’s still shining, not so bold,
We’ll light fires to keep us warm,
In the autumn that’s the norm.

My first effort took 37, so I tried again . . .

Attempt #2:-
In the autumn, days decline,
Some are wet, others fine;
Fruits and berries, harvest’s gold,
Bonfires keep away the cold;
Winter’s creeping closer still,
This year’s going straight downhill.

29, that’s betterJ

Click here to see better efforts!

25 comments:

  1. Whew! I've been trying some more writing exercises lately, but I don't know if I could have managed that one. Good for you, Janice!
    — K

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel

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  2. Good job!!!! I guess I forgot to count my words---hmmmmm, I'd better check!!

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  3. I like both. This was a tough one for me too!

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  4. Oh well done you! It was quite a mathematical exercise wasn't it. I love them both!

    There's a picture prompt here is you fancy!http://jfb57.wordpress.com/2011/09/12/100-word-challenge-for-grown-ups-week-10/

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  5. Love them both! Very nice in an excellent kind of way! :o)

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  6. I like them both but the second really got me chuckling.

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  7. you know autumn well..
    awesome pieces.

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  8. That was awesome! I think you nailed it with number 2!~Ames

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  9. Good job. That wasn't many words to work with!

    =)

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  10. This is great, both pieces - a fun sensory experience. I especially like your final line. After summer, it does go downhill.

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  11. I loved them both, but 'This year’s going straight downhill' really made me laugh :o)

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  12. Enjoyed both, well written pieces...I can understand the downhill feeling though it never gets that cold out here.

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  13. OMGosh...Both are equally excellent and I enjoyed them very much !!!

    BTW, I also love that you stuck with it and showed us your 1st draft and final poem/lyrics...Bravo !

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  14. Both were so good. I had to do away with some of my words before I published. That was a hard one. laurie @ Battling My Inner Critic

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  15. I liked both of them very much. I'm surprised you could come up with 2 LOL. Great job.

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  16. Falling leaves and bonfires! These are great images, and I think you should get some sort of combat pay for actually writing two of these things.

    Namaste...............cj

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  17. No doubt ! there is a hidden poet in you !

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  18. I like both of these attempts at lyrics.

    You've got some interesting Autumn imagery, especially in the first one. You could rework that one and let it just be a poem that does not have to be sung.

    If you really want to write good song lyrics, may I suggest that you pick fewer images, make them simpler and make certain that the rhyme and meter works for the song. Prove-sing it. Don't be afraid to repeat the same line as is done in the original song. Make it so good that it is worth repeating.

    There's a song there still, that 'wants to come out'.

    Best wishes,
    Anna
    Anna's SC wk 72'In the Autumn'

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  19. Both efforts are fantastic!! It's been so fun reading everyones take on Autumn!! =)

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  20. They were both awesome. Standing ovation.

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  21. Very impressive, 32 words isn't much. I really like your second one. The year is going downhill fast.

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  22. I like them both. Getting down to 29 words is quite an accomplishment.

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  23. Bravo! This is absolutely brilliant! Loved both of these!

    You really nailed this difficult prompt!

    Go you!

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