Fifty Sheds of Grey

50 Sheds of Gray

The novel ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ has seduced women - and baffled blokes. Now a spoof, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for the men. The book has author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts:-

We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall . . . but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

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She stood before me, trembling in my shed. ‘I'm yours for the night,’ she gasped, ‘You can do whatever you want with me.’ So I took her to Nando's.
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She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.
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Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.
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‘Put on this rubber suit and mask,’ I instructed, calmly. 

‘Mmmm, kinky!’ she purred. 

‘Yes,’ I said, ‘You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof.’
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‘I'm a very naughty girl,’ she said, biting her lip. ‘I need to be punished.’ 

So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
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‘Harder!’ she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. ‘Harder!’ 

‘Okay,’ I said. ‘What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?’

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I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

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‘Are you sure you can take the pain?’ she demanded, brandishing stilettos. 

‘I think so,’ I gulped.

 ‘Here we go, then,’ she said, and showed me the receipt.
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‘Hurt me!’ she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
‘Very well,’ I replied. ‘You've got fat ankles and no dress sense.’
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‘Are you sure you want this?’ I asked. ‘When I'm done, you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.’ 

She nodded. 

‘Okay,’ I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.
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‘Punish me!’ she cried. ‘Make me suffer like only a real man can!’ 

‘Very well,’ I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.
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‘Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously,’ she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD.

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