Talking to
myself
by Mabel Lucie Atwell
Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons
I've spent a good deal of my life talking to
myself. Occasionally I've disguised it as teaching. It can look as though the
little children sitting at your feet are drinking in every word when what
they're really doing is wondering why they can’t go home, or why you’re so
extremely old, just like their mums or even their grandmothers.
Sometimes, a small child will boldly reach out and
touch the polished surface of your shoe to see if it really is shiny or just
wet. Once in a while an infant will whisper shyly, 'I like your blouse' or
even, touchingly, 'I like you.' Sometimes, they will mistakenly call you,
‘Mummy.’ Worse, they will call you, ‘Grandma.’
Children
can be devastatingly honest when young, and unhampered by conformity. One day,
a little girl put up her hand to say, 'Excuse me, I don't like you.' There’s no
textbook answer to that.
Often
actions speak more piercingly than words. Couching instructions in the form of
requests – 'Would you like to . . . ?' can be answered by the child shaking his
head vigorously or turning his back and walking away. If the
instruction/request involves items to be sorted, or put away, the answer may be
an eloquent gesture sweeping the items to the floor, or, if already on the
floor, far and wide across the room. Nothing could be plainer – the child does
not want to cooperate. If the instruction/request is repeated a little more
firmly there are several possible outcomes:-
1: the
child acquiesces and does as she is told. Result!
2: the
child bursts into noisy sobs and demands his mummy.
3: the
child repeats 'NO' with increasing vehemence until your ear drums are ringing, she
has turned purple with rage and ends up having a full-blown tantrum, maybe even
succeeding in making herself sick.
4: the
child throws the items at the nearest adult (you) and possibly aims a
kick at your shin.
5: the
child wets himself, indicating at the same time, by the volume of the flow,
that he has not emptied his bladder since the night before.
6: the
child soils herself, indicating at the same time that she consumed far too much
fruit the previous day.
None of
these results were quite what was in mind at the beginning of the 'lesson'. I
believe that the hardworking teachers of very young children deserve more
generous pay than their scholarly colleagues at the other end of the age range,
when students attend lessons (now known as lectures) voluntarily, are
usually articulate and toilet-trained, can dress themselves, use a handkerchief,
and know that writing on walls is unacceptable. Pause here, while I think about
this last statement – okay, they know it's unacceptable but do it anyway,
arguing the right to free expression.
Those
outcomes were to be expected occasionally, but most children were shocked if
their class-mates behaved so badly.
In the
twenty-first century, teachers of small children have a much more challenging
task than used to be the case. A lot of the problems seen today have been
blamed on Covid lockdowns and the subsequent isolation of families. Personally,
that’s a cop-out.
In the UK,
children enter school in the September following their fourth birthday.
Increasingly, many are still wearing nappies, (diapers) and sucking
dummies, (pacifiers) and have no idea about sitting at a table to eat.
Knives and forks are as unfamiliar to them as books, crayons, paint,
conversations. They have either been completely indulged, or are accustomed to
being overseen by the television or the tablet. Many are barely able to speak,
the to and fro of conversation being quite alien to them.
Some parents
wish to be their child’s ‘best friend’ and fear that correcting, or even
guiding, their child will damage its developing personality. Is it stunting a
child’s development to stop him or her punching you as you try to contain the
blows? Uttering soft words, like, ‘That’s not kind,’ and ‘Remember what we said
about hitting people?’ without reinforcing them, does not work. The child is
desperately seeking boundaries and, not receiving them, is driven to further
outrageous behaviour. I have seen such children at three years old, and a few
years later in life, and they are not pleasant companions. Now thirteen, they
have found that life in school has been much harder than it need have been.
It used to
be the case that parents were sent letters of instruction before their child
started school. They would be advised to make sure their child was able to
dress him or herself, a necessary skill for PE lessons and playtime in a
draughty playground, use a handkerchief, be able to look after their basic
hygiene, use scissors safely, be able to listen and follow instructions. Even
before a child was allowed to enter pre-school, it would be expected to be out
of nappies, and able to say its name and sex.
It is
unreasonable to expect teachers, and their hard-pressed classroom assistants,
to undertake changing nappies and the teaching of the basic etiquette of life.
It has frequently been the case, in less affluent areas, that some young
children have been disadvantaged through not being exposed to books or toys, or
conversation, or the companionship of their peers. Now it seems that more and
more children, from all backgrounds, are not receiving the basic help they need
from their families to confront life.
Some
teachers report being kicked, bitten, and spat at by children as young as five.
Others have taken the precaution of wearing ‘bite guards’ under their clothes.
It is not surprising, then, that so many teachers leave the profession for
something less taxing.
