Doormats - really.

Reincarnation 2

You may have been asking yourselves what my last post had to do with doormats. I certainly was, in the wee small hours(why it should have occurred to me then I cannot tell. Obviously my life is so full of amazing events that I must relive them when I should be sleeping.) The answer is, it had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with doormats! There was not a single mention of a doormat, so I offer my apologies to all offended articles. I reposted the wrong piece so here is the one I intended to post, slightly reworked.


Strictly speaking, reincarnation is rebirth as a different form of life but I've often thought I might be reincarnated as a door mat, which, though inanimate, sees many events throughout its life. Thinking about it more deeply in the small hours of the morning I recognised that there are many different forms of door mat. Would it be better to be an indoor mat or an outdoor mat? There are pros and cons for each.

Outdoor mats are hardy creatures, exposed to the elements, surrounded by the sights and sounds of Nature, rough, tough no-nonsense characters. External mats are not given to soul-searching and philosophising; they are practical, straight-talking individuals for whom there is no middle way. They lack imagination, it is true, and see all things as black or white. There's no sitting on the fence for the outdoor mat. They are loyal and hard-working and ask little in return other than a good beating now and then, not because they're masochistic but to relieve them of their burden of dust and the extraneous bits of Nature that have escaped from birds, trees, flowers and people's footwear.

Outdoor mats may be made from rubber which is hard-wearing but neither absorbent nor particularly attractive. Metal mats are not quite pukka; they're useful for scraping mud off boots but they are the untouchables of the community of external mats. They look as though they have come from a giant's grill pan and can sometimes be found supporting one of their more appealing cousins. Coir matting looks smart and is the only natural fibre resistant to salt water damage, which makes sense considering its provenance.

Indoor mats are quite distinct from their outdoor relatives. They live in protected environments and are usually constructed from softer, more colourful materials. Often they have messages printed on them – PLEASE WIPE YOUR PAWS (can dogs read?) THE BIG HOUSE, (boasting or ironic?) WE LIVE HERE (and everybody knows who WE are, don't they?) accompanied by pictures of dogs, fish, birds, children. I wouldn't want to have WELCOME written on me; I'm not like that but I suppose I wouldn't have a choice in the matter.

On balance I'd rather be an indoor mat than an outdoor mat. I don't think I'd like to be a shop door mat or one that fits in a car well or sits next to the cooker. I'd like to be either plain but in a pretty colour or patterned with flowers. My favourite situation would be just inside the front door of a really tidy house with no children or pets and considerate visitors who would remove their shoes before entering.

Reincarnation 3

Reincarnation 3 (because it appears this is a recurring theme.)

The idea of reincarnation appeals though I have a simplistic view of it I fear. Considering that I have led a less than blameless life (and who among us can claim to have done otherwise? Saints in the corner cast off your veils, come out from under your bushels!) that is to say, a normal life, probably, full of the petty conceits and narcissism with which we are all afflicted (aren’t we? or is it just me?) I will not be reincarnated as something splendid. Not for me the joys of a privileged life if I return to this earth. In fact I doubt that I shall be as blessed as I am currently.

No, I shall be reborn as something lowly, like a doormat. In fact, I wrote about that some while ago. A doormat’s life can be quite interesting though being ground under the heel is not a particularly pleasant prospect.

However, if rebirth only occurs in animate objects then I think I shall come back as an earthworm - not pretty, not furry, but useful in the garden both as a worker and food for passing blackbirds. Note that I specify worms of the earth variety – I have no wish to be an intestinal worm but I suppose that’s not really up to me.

I should hate to return as a cockroach, universally loathed but a terrific survivor. Nor should I care to be a tick, forever destined to suck blood until bloated only to fall off the victim to fasten onto another once the blood has been digested and a sylph-like form has been regained. To come back as a member of the spider family – ticks are spiders, after all – would be too cruel. As much as I tell myself that spiders are useful I still cannot stop myself shuddering when big, black, hairy spiders scuttle across the floor and whoever mentioned ‘noiseless spiders’ has never heard the ones I’ve encountered.

Maybe I could return as an amoeba – an interesting little organism but mightily overlooked. I’ve always had a fondness for the humble amoeba as it is the only organism I have ever been able to draw with any vestige of realism.

So I suppose that really I’m only in favour of reincarnation on my terms and that’s not really what faith is all about, is it?

Maybe I’ll repost my earlier treatises on reincarnation . . . posts reborn, you might say.

Reincarnation 2

Strictly speaking, reincarnation is rebirth as a different form of life but I've often thought I might be reincarnated as a door mat, which, though inanimate, sees many events throughout its life. Thinking about it more deeply in the small hours of the morning I recognised that there are many different forms of door mat. Would it be better to be an indoor mat or an outdoor mat? There are pros and cons for each.

Outdoor mats are hardy creatures, exposed to the elements, surrounded by the sights and sounds of Nature, rough, tough no-nonsense characters. External mats are not given to soul-searching and philosophising; they are practical, straight-talking individuals for whom there is no middle way. They lack imagination, it is true, and see all things as black or white. There's no sitting on the fence for the outdoor mat. They are loyal and hard-working and ask little in return other than a good beating now and then, not because they're masochistic but to relieve them of their burden of dust and the extraneous bits of Nature that have escaped from birds, trees, flowers and people's footwear.

Outdoor mats may be made from rubber which is hard-wearing but neither absorbent nor particularly attractive. Metal mats are not quite pukka; they're useful for scraping mud off boots but they are the untouchables of the community of external mats. They look as though they have come from a giant's grill pan and can sometimes be found supporting one of their more appealing cousins. Coir matting looks smart and is the only natural fibre resistant to salt water damage, which makes sense considering its provenance.

Indoor mats are quite distinct from their outdoor relatives. They live in protected environments and are usually constructed from softer, more colourful materials. Often they have messages printed on them – PLEASE WIPE YOUR PAWS THE BIG HOUSE WE LIVE HERE accompanied by pictures of dogs, fish, birds, children. I wouldn't want to have WELCOME written on me; I'm not like that but I suppose I wouldn't have a choice in the matter.

On balance I'd rather be an indoor mat than an outdoor mat. I don't think I'd like to be a shop door mat or one that fits in a car well or sits next to the cooker. I'd like to be either plain but in a pretty colour or patterned with flowers. My favourite situation would be just inside the front door of a really tidy house with no children or pets and considerate visitors who would remove their shoes before entering.