De mortuis
When a person dies who is a well-known personality and has spent much time in the public eye, it is commonplace for remarks to be made. Supporters of the dead person will say pleasant things, while those who disliked the person, their principles or their values may find their feelings so enlivened or enraged that they will make egregious comments.
Ann Widdecombe, a strong-willed and outspoken UK politician, was murdered in her home two days ago. Already the knives are out in some quarters. That is despicable, for, as some would say, ‘She’s not even cold in her grave yet.’
‘Do not speak ill of the dead’ is a cautionary advice. It suggests that respect should be given to all, certainly immediately after death, for the dead person cannot defend him or herself. It is also intended to try to ensure that surviving family and friends are spared yet more pain and grief following the death of a loved one.
When a decent interval has passed, however that may be defined, criticism may be expressed.
Everyone has been born human, with all the frailty and ill-judgements we all can exhibit. Everyone is a son or daughter, perhaps with friends to admire and love us. Some will arouse dislike, disapproval, contempt, even hatred, maybe without justification, but the caution remains.
The aphorism
is a loose translation of the Latin ‘de mortuis nil nisi bonum dicendum est’
which originated with the 6th century Greek philosopher, Chilon of
Sparta, one of the Seven Sages of Ancient Greece.
I frequently see stories online about famous people who have died and it amazes me the cruel things people can say. I don't care how much I dislike a person, I cannot see how people can rejoice in their death.
ReplyDeleteI agree.
DeleteToo many people fell they can share their opinions, social media makes it so easy, I live by the saying, if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything.
ReplyDeleteIt is a good saying to live by.
DeleteI will say there is at least one person on the planet who deserves every disgraceful thing to be said about him upon his passing.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure much will be said, and with great feeling, but the fact remains that the person is loved and respected by his family and friends, and the time for harsh remarks should wait until after the funeral at least. Pol Pot, Ayatollah Khamenei, Adolf Hitler were all despicable, cruel characters, but someone loved them and mourned their passing.
DeleteI have to agree with Bob.
ReplyDeleteI understand the feelings.
DeleteTragic way to die. Here the same saying, do not speak ill of the dead. After all, they are now gone forever.
ReplyDeleteShe was a divisive character, but nonetheless was loved and respected by many who will today be grieving.
DeleteThere is one death that I am looking forward to. But I may possibly keep myself from enthusing publicly. We shall see.
ReplyDeleteI wonder who that could be??
DeleteI endorse the principle whole-heartedly and cannot believe the number of individuals who would use not only the principle, but even this post, to denigrate and vilify someone who obviously occupies far too much space in their mind. What's that saying? Sorry, not sorry?
ReplyDelete😊
ReplyDeleteIt seems a little fatuous to me to modify one’s expression about a person merely because he or she is dead. Hitler died, Stalin died, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein, Pol Pot……and so on. Does the mere fact of their death somehow sanitize their life, even for a moment? Can you imagine a survivor of the gas chambers whose entire family perished saying, “Oh dear, Hitler is dead now. Better not speak ill of him.” To bottle up one’s emotions, or to modify one’s speech artificially, would seem harmful to me. Truth is truth, whether the person is alive or dead.
ReplyDeleteI take your point. Of course they are not sanitised or sanctified by death, but the fact remains that each person has people who will grieve for them, no matter how monstrously they may have behaved to countless others. I don't suggest that criticism or horror may never be expressed, but just that we are all human, and a little pause should be given before character assassination begins.
DeleteThis is such a thoughtful look at a classic piece of wisdom that we seem to lose sight of far too easily nowadays. The speed at which people rush to attack someone on social media the second they pass away is truly disheartening, especially considering the grieving family left behind. You made an excellent point about the dead being completely unable to defend themselves against those sudden attacks. It really makes you pause, think about that original Latin meaning, and realize that exercising a little human decency while the family is in shock should be the bare minimum.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Melody.
ReplyDeleteI agree, it only hurts those left behind, not the person who died. And we have no way to no if the person is telling the truth or not. Just stay home from the funeral or sit quietly
ReplyDeleteYes, sometimes ducks go back to the place they last used, in Florida they beging coupling from January ending in July.. I am fine with them gone, just missing them a lot and waiting to see what God sends next.
I almost forgot, Jesus told us to Let he who has no sin, throw the first stone.. Humans are born to sin
I'm glad your ducks may return.
DeleteToo often we're the ones to cast the first stone.
I think that most of us will have been taught "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" and that is especially true when someone dies.
ReplyDeleteWith regard to the death of Ann Widdecombe, I have read a lot of comments along the lines of "I fundamentally disagreed with all her views, yet I liked her as a person" which gives me hope that British toleration and decency still exists.
Yes, I have read similar comments. I think, trust that we are fundamentally decent in this country.
DeleteThere are those we must speak ill of, even if they are dead. History is full of these people, from Hitler and Josef Mengele to Pol Pot and others, whose acts resulted in the deaths of many and the suffering of many more. But many others don't quite fit that criteria and for those (including people we personally didn't like but were not truly evil) I would agree with not speaking ill of their deaths.
ReplyDeleteEvil must never be swept away and history must be accurate. Evil-doers are human, too.
DeleteRegardless of how someone lived, or what beliefs they lived by, murder is ugly. What I find unusual is that death provokes the expressions of outrage that were somehow not important enough to air while the person lived. It seems to be a reminder to the generally aparhetic that the person HAD lived.
ReplyDeleteIt's as though death releases the floodgates of opinion.
DeleteHow sad tbat people are already attacking her legacy.
ReplyDeleteIt is inevitable, sadly.
DeleteOriginally the idea of not speaking ill of the dead was attached to a belief that the dead could come back to haunt people who spoke ill of them. It wasn't respect, it was fear.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that many cultures still hold that fear.
DeleteFirstly, this is shocking and tragic. Secondly, your second-to-last paragraph says it so well.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteSocial media often forgets that behind every headline is a family in shock.
ReplyDeleteA little restraint in the days after a death is not weakness--it’s simple decency.
Quite so.
DeleteI agree with Lynn and Precious, it's what my mum always said, along with "he/she is gone, let the hate go too", which makes sense to me.
ReplyDeleteSo true. Hate is corrosive.
ReplyDeleteFrom what has been said, it was a terrible death... and my condolences are with Ann Widdecombe's family and friends.
ReplyDeleteAs has been said in other comments ... if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything!
All the best Jan
I agree.
DeleteHi Janice - today it sounds more troubling ... just appalling. Hilary
ReplyDeleteAs the details emerge it becomes more shocking.
DeleteI don't think I could imagine saying something bad about someone even if I thought they were a terrible person in life! It's sad!
ReplyDeleteWe were all small, innocent babes once.
DeleteA sad but thoughtful post today and I agree with everything you say.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
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