Full stop

 

Full stop

I’ve come to a full stop (period for Americans), but unfortunately, the full stop key has ceased working! I read that pressing the space bar twice will produce a full stop – it doesn’t! Thus, all my sentences are now being finished with alternative punctuation, mostly exclamation marks! Google has been less than helpful!

I could ask the tech guru but I’m trying to keep him quiet! He claims that he’s fine and not feeling any ill effects from yesterday’s procedure, but methinks he speaks with double tongue! However, he is developing a splendidly colourful bruise – not quite a black eye, though given time, it may spread that far!

The offending article was excised and sent off for analysis and existing skin was stretched and pulled over the ‘wound!’ Is that why it’s called plastic surgery? (Nice change of punctuation, there!) Incidentally, the process was supposed to be ‘urgent’ – well, it only took four months, or five, depending on when the clock started ticking!

He has been told to keep his head upright for three days, so, no bending over to pick up parcels or shovel coal or any of the other things one does without thinking about the position of one’s head; he also has to sleep on his back with his head elevated and that’s easily accomplished as we have an adjustable bed!  

Naturally, Herschel immediately disappeared into the cavern underneath the bed, causing come concern in case he should be caught and squashed in the lifting/lowering mechanism – highly unlikely; he didn’t stay there long – it was warmer on our bed than under it!

I’m now using semi-colons as an alternative to exclamation marks – the book I’m presently reading uses a lot of those; it’s ‘Prophecy’ by S J Parris, the second of a series of seven, set in the turbulent times of Queen Elizabeth I! I’ve already read the seventh book, ‘Alchemy’ but none of the others! There’s nothing quite so brain- stirring as reading things in the wrong order and having to organise them into a sensible sequence!

Anyway, I’ve tried cleaning the keyboard; that is to say, I removed a couple of the tiles to discover a wealth of detritus under them and then I used a toothpick to scour between the keys! It wouldn’t take a detective to determine that we have animals, quite apart from the fact that we also are animals! I’m sure we’ve got a can of compressed air somewhere, but tomorrow will do! All the Heath Robinson cleaning has not had the desired effect, and I’ve turned off the computer twice and recharged the keyboard, all to no avail! C’est la vie!

I’ll consult the expert when he’s feeling livelier!

I never thought I’d get tired of exclamation marks . . . Ooh, hang on, my full stops have returned . . . these marvels of modern technology have a mind of their own - and now they’ve disappeared again, the little teases!

Nose grafting

 

Nose grafting

It’s January 3^rd so it’s Dermatology Day. Barry has gone to have his nose grafted, apparently.

This prospect had us considering all sorts of possibilities. Will the nose be surgically removed and replaced upside down in roughly the same position, or next to an eye, perhaps? Should a Picasso artist (read that carefully!) be consulted? There must be some up and coming design student who could enlighten the dermatology department as to the most efficient and aesthetically pleasing placement.

Where should the nostrils be positioned and in what relation to the rest of the face? Indeed, should they be separated to enhance the olfactory experience – one either side of the chin, maybe, or one on the forehead and one on the chest? The possibilities are endless.

I await his return with bated breath. Will the man I have known and loved these many (many, many) years be utterly transformed?

It’s a nice nose. Let it live untrammelled and unaltered, doing the job it’s always done so faithfully.

Human and veterinary medical procedures

 

Human and veterinary medical procedures

Barry had his nose medically photographed again. It’s a fine nose, but he’ll be getting above his station if people keep taking photographs of it. It’s for the dermatology department to consider what next to do, if anything.

In the afternoon of that day, a doctor called to say that Barry should present himself at hospital on the following Friday for a colonography – another sort of photograph, really! Thursday was spent ‘preparing’ so he didn’t stray far from the house.

We’re not superstitious, so Friday 13^th didn’t bother us and all I had to do was worry, anyway. I’m very good at that – I’ve had lots of practice.

On Monday 16^th, Barry intended to go to the walk-in centre at one of the local hospitals for a chest x-ray, but something cropped up to prevent that, so he decided to go in on Tuesday. However, there was a call on Tuesday morning, to tell him that he needed a colonoscopy to remove some polyps. This would be organised very soon.

The colonography had also revealed a potential problem with the prostate and ‘someone from Urology would call.’ In the afternoon, ‘someone from Urology did call’ to tell him to report immediately to the Emergency Surgical Unit. They thought it highly unlikely he would be kept in overnight, but Barry obeyed Flanagan’s Law and prepared as if to stay. It was fortunate he did, as he stayed in for two nights. 

Once again, it was not a restful stay, with the man in the bed next to him needing the attention of two nurses all night, to calm him down and make sure he stayed in bed. Barry was pleased to get home on Thursday, and was greeted rapturously by Roxy and Gilbert, and also by Arthur and Lottie, who had spent the day with me.

Jellicoe, our diabetic cat, ate very little on Thursday evening, which is most unusual. On Friday morning, he ate most of his breakfast, but then started behaving quite strangely. He was sniffing his way cautiously round the house and we deduced that he had suddenly gone blind and perhaps had had a stroke. He spent the day with the vets and came home in the afternoon, quite his usual self. There had been a diabetic imbalance in his system. Feline diabetes can be difficult to control, and Jellicoe is particularly challenging.

Roxy also went to the vet, for a pedicure. We have not been able to take the dogs out very much recently and her claws were exceptionally long. Before Barry could prevent her, she ate all her toe clippings!

So, the chest x-ray will now be next week, I suppose, unless something else urgently needs attention. There are two family birthdays next week. My daughter-in-law has her birthday on 25^th September, and my great-grandson, Fergus, is ten years old the following day.