Of doormats and reincarnation

This is the first post I wrote on reincarnation in May 2009


If you consider yourself to be of a delicate disposition you may not wish to read on. However, if you have now or ever have had intimate dealings with any kind of mammal you will understand the rationale for this post. (I'm sure rationale is far too grand a word for this but I like it . . . )



Through the years of bearing babies and rearing toddlers, followed by the decades of teaching young children while at the same time breeding cats and keeping company with a variety of dogs, I have come to realise that ordure has played a significant role in my life. It was not something I had ever considered when I was growing up. My sister's babies were neat and clean and cuddly. I realise now that she was very careful to spare me the truth and only encouraged me to change wet nappies. Fifteen years older than me, she was always protective.



The first days of a baby's life open a new mother's eyes – and nose – to a different way of life. Controlling the urge to throw up over her first-born (second and subsequent babies don't provoke the same reactions) and overcoming the desire to turn away and plead for someone else to take over, she learns the delicate art of cleaning and making comfortable the small helpless being she so rapturously conceived nine months earlier. The rosy glow of imagining a sweet-smelling baby dressed in adorable clothes gurgling happily into the beatifically smiling face of a relaxed and beautiful mother disappears like a hapless, misplaced snowflake in August. The mirage is replaced by the reality of a baby that excretes at least twice what he ingests and 'possets' (that's the polite term for 'sicks up') several times a day and night over his hands, his several daily changes of attire, his bed, the furry toy bought on the day of his birth and any unfortunate adult in the vicinity, usually his exhausted, sleep-deprived, tearful mother.



Matters improve of course as the baby grows into toddlerhood. It's always a good idea to greet your child soon after she wakes and not agree with your spouse that it's lovely when she amuses herself while you enjoy a lie-in and consider the possibility of a sibling or two for her. Undoubtedly she is entertaining herself, undressing herself, removing her nappy, spreading the contents over herself, the bedding and every other thing within reach (no point in hoping the nappy will be just wet). Having finished that task she has set about deconstructing the cot and it is a little disconcerting when you enter your precious offspring's room to wonder where she can possibly have got to until movement under the mattress beneath the base gives you a clue. When the little tot plays in the garden it's quite useful to have a dog about the place which can be blamed for influencing the child to defaecate on the grass. More experienced matrons snort derisively as they explain that all infants do this and follow that information with a knowing and slightly malicious, 'Just you wait . . . ' Sure enough, worse will follow. At least when nappies are still being worn everything that leaves the tiny body is more or less contained. Training pants are the next important stage but it seems that all your infant is trained to do is to treat them as a portable potty. Potties are wonderful toys, headwear being a favourite deployment – not so good after having been used for their intended purpose, though.



Having finally learnt what to do, and where, there is a tiresome period when your little person must visit every convenience in every building you pass. Possibly he is searching for the gold standard in lavatories/loos/toilets. I'm told that the way to teach a boy to aim straight is to put a ping pong ball in the lavatory pan and encourage him to hit it with his golden shower. I have not been told what should happen thereafter. Are parents expected to carry a supply of these white spheres? Apparently not; I've no knowledge of any male who manages consistently to place bladder contents completely in the correct receptacle – there aren't enough ping pong balls in the world.



Cats and dogs present different challenges to humans. House cats that use litter trays are relatively easy. A scoop removes the soiled litter. Fastidious creatures that they are they help their humans to maintain high sanitary standards for, if dissatisfied, they will make their own arrangements and you may be sure it will be somewhere you would not choose. Dogs can be trained to use a particular patch of the garden but the excrement remains where deposited until removed by someone. In our family this job is known as 'de-lumping the garden' and when we had children living at home they could be persuaded occasionally to undertake this task. At other times I did it. Now they are grown and flown but we still have dogs and their leavings must be cleared away. It has fallen to me to take on this duty full-time because as Barry says, 'You're so good at it.' Flatterer!



Thus, after so many years of shovelling s*it I know that, if I were to be reincarnated I would return as a Chinese Night Soil Collector. It is said that every third person in the world is Chinese – and I was my parents' third child. Can't wait!!

ABC Wednesday Z is for Zoonosis

Zoonoses are infections that can be passed from vertebrate animals to humans and vice versa. Infection passed from human to non-human is sometimes called reverse zoonosis or anthroponosis. When you live in close proximity to animals it is impossible to ignore the relationship between illness in humans and a similar pattern of illness in companion animals. For most people, however, the emphasis is usually on those diseases that occur as a direct result of contact with an infected animal or through vectors of infection between non-human vertebrates, not necessarily mammals, and humans. Some infections are serious, potentially fatal, like Ebola or anthrax, while others are self-limiting, uncomfortable for a short period and possibly contributing to a stronger immune system.
Many modern diseases arose in animals. Measles, smallpox, HIV, diphtheria and influenza were all zoonoses. Bubonic plague and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever are zoonotic and it is thought that the common cold and tuberculosis may also be zoonotic.
Most people know that rats, fleas, lice, ticks and mosquitoes carry disease. Cat and dog owners and those who keep horses or parrots will know of the potential infections that may be passed on - leptospirosis, ringworms, toxoplasmosis, psittacosis. Fish and snails can also harbour zoonoses – salmonella and yersinia. Walking in areas where wild animals roam poses dangers, too – Lyme disease from deer ticks, for example. (There are other dangers associated with wild animals but they don't usually involve infection unless you live to tell the tale of the tiger or elephant attack and the wounds become infected!)

Thanks are due to Denise Nesbitt and her zealous team who host this weekly meme. Click here to see more Zs - and they won't make you push out the ZZZs

ABC Wednesday Round 5 - Q is for Quercus

A wise old owl lived in an oak

The more he saw the less he spoke

The less he spoke the more he heard.

Why can't we all be like that wise old bird?

The oak is traditionally considered to be the national tree of England, long associated with ship-building. Its acorns or 'mast' provided food for pigs and the tannin in its bark was used in the production of leather.

Britain has two native oaks, the English or Pedunculate (Quercus robur)and the Sessile or Durmast (Quercus petraea). The English oak is more rugged than the Sessile though there has been a certain amount of interbreeding between them. The English oak has short-stemmed leaves and long-stemmed acorn cups and the Sessile has long-stemmed leaves and stalkless acorn cups. The acorns of both trees are green like their cups but turn brown by autumn.

The Holm Oak (Quercus ilex)is Britain's only evergreen oak and was introduced from the Mediterranean in the 16th century. The leaves are long with no lobes and the acorns are short with at least half contained in a downy cup. The acorns are green at first and take two years to ripen.

The Turkey Oak (Quercus cerris) has deeply lobed leaves, mossy-cupped acorns and rough dark grey bark. It was introduced in 1753, probably from the Balkans.

The Red Oak (Quercus rubra) has light grey bark and sharply angled lobes to the leaves with the veins of the lobes extending like bristles beyond the point. The acorns are short and broad in shallow cups. They ripen in the second year. The Red Oak is one of several North American red oaks planted in Britain for the richness and beauty of their autumn colour.

Oak woods provide food and shelter for a great variety of wildlife and their leaves rot into a soft mulch to support trees and shrubs such as Ash, Hazel and Holly. Their open canopies allow much light to filter through so that flowers like primroses, bluebells and violets thrive in the rich soil.

An oak tree supports at least 350 insect species, more than any other tree in Britain. Great Spotted Woodpeckers, Nuthatches and Tree Creepers feed on the insects that live in the bark. Squirrels harvest the acorns and act as gardeners, burying their hoard in several different places. Wood pigeons, rooks and mice also feed on fallen acorns. Birds and small mammals in their turn attract Sparrowhawks, Buzzards and Owls.

I couldn't tell you which oaks are these in my photographs - I think they are English oaks though the first one looks more like a Sessile oak . . . too late and too dark now to go into the garden and carry out an identification!

Heart of Oak is the official march of the Royal Navy and the Royal Canadian Navy. In this clip it is played by the Band of the Royal Marines. In case you feel like singing along, the words (written by the acclaimed 18th century English actor David Garrick) of the first verse and chorus are below! The 'wonderful year' of the verse is 1759-1760 during which the British were victorious at the Battle of Lagos, the Battle of Quebec City,the Battle of Quiberon Bay and the Battle of Wandiwash in India.

Come, cheer up, my lads, 'tis to glory we steer,

To add something more to this wonderful year;

To honour we call you, as freemen not slaves,

For who are so free as the sons of the waves?

(Chorus)

Heart of oak are our ships, jolly tars are our men,

We always are ready; Steady, boys, steady!

We'll fight and we'll conquer again and again.

Thanks are due to Mrs Nesbitt for hosting this meme. To see other 'Qs' please click here.