I can see through you . . .

. . . or at least I can see through your clothes.
Manchester Airport in the UK is conducting trials of a very powerful x-ray machine in its efforts to counteract terrorism.
The machine is a full body scanner which 'sees' through clothes to the body beneath, showing clear images of piercings, prostheses and private parts as well as more dangerous hidden items.
No good wearing flattering cover-all clothes - all your lumps and bumps will be on display in clear black and white. The images will only be seen by one person in a remote location and will then be deleted. I foresee a new crime - selling images to interested parties!
Passengers may still opt for the more traditional check-in, preferring to remove shoes, belts, coats rather than revealing all.

Beware the moon - unseen dangers!

A German man mooned at a departing train - very original! However, his trousers were caught in a carriage door resulting in him being dragged off the plattform and onto the tracks. He was pulled for about 200 metres all the while struggling to keep his legs free of the wheels of the train.
Eventually a passenger realised what was happening and pulled the emergency brake. This resulted in 23 trains being delayed on the line between Bremen and Hamburg.
The man suffered cuts and bruises and faces charges including interference in rail transport and insulting behaviour.
A spokesman said, ' . . . he advised others not to try the same thing'.
Well, at least one journalism student has learnt a valuable lesson.
I suspect his dreams will be haunted for the foreseeable future!

Cockney Alphabet

This form of punning Comic or Cockney Alphabet was popular in the 1920s. Here is the most common version with some variations. It needs to be read aloud to capture the meaning.

A for 'orses; A for Gardner

B for mutton

C forth Highlanders; C for miles

D for dumb; D for mation; D for ential

E for brick; E for Peron

F for vescence; F for been had; F for lump

G for police

H for retirement; H for consent

I for Novello; I for lutin'; I for the girls; I for the engine

J for oranges ; J for nice time

K fer teria; K for restaurant

L for leather

M for sis

N for a penny; N for lope; N for a dig

O for the garden wall; O for the rainbow; O for the wings of a dove

P for a penny; P for ming fleas

Q for a bus; Q for a song

R for mo

S for you

T for two; T for gums

U for instance; U for me; U for mism

V for la France; V for la difference; V for Espana

W for a quid; W for the winnings

X for breakfast

Y for husband; Y for mistress; Y for crying out loud

Z for breezes

More information on this topic may be found in 'Comic Alphabets' by Eric Partridge, first published in 1961