The Mum Test

I’ve just seen this on Facebook and thought it was too good not to shareJ

‘I was out walking with my 4.5-year-old son. He picked up something from the ground and started to put it in his mouth. I took it away from him and asked him not to do that.

'Why?' my son asked.

'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs,' I replied.

At this point my son looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Mum, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.’

Thinking quickly I replied, ‘All mums know this stuff. It's on the Mum Test. You have to know it or they don't let you be a Mum.'

We walked along in silence for two or three minutes but he was evidently pondering this new information.

'Oh . . . I get it!’ he beamed. 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad.’

'Exactly,’ I replied with a big smile on my face.

Robert Popper aka Robin Cooper

I think this might be a good night out!

Something to amuse!

Barry received this email from a friend today:

In a  Bangkok  temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway  :
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctors office, Rome  :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a  Nairobi  restaurant:
CUST! OMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER..

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi :
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN  
GRAVES .

Tokyo  hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS  
IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel , Yugoslavia :
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE  
CHAMBERMAID..

Hotel , Japan :
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow  hotel across from a Russian Orthodox  
monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET  
COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany 's Black Forest  :
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR  BLACK  FOREST  CAMPING SITE THAT  
PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER  
IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE..

Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX  
IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand  :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen  :
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD  
TIME.

Older men

My apologies if you have read this before – I thought it might elicit a wry grin – or do I mean groan?

An elderly Australian man owned a large property through which a stream ran. He had built a dam some years before to create a pool for swimming. One evening he strolled down to check that all was well and took with him a bucket to collect apples from the trees that grew nearby.

As he approached the pool he heard voices shouting and laughing and when he was closer he saw that a number of young women were skinny-dipping in the water. When the bathers saw him they moved into deeper water and called out, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned. 'I didn't come down here to watch you girls,' he said. Holding up the bucket he continued, 'I've come to feed the crocodile.'

The moral of this tale is that older men may walk slowly but they can still think fast!