Black arm bands
Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons
When Queen Victoria’s beloved husband, Prince Albert, died in 1861, she dictated that her servants should wear black arm bands for eight years. She went into deep mourning for forty years, wearing no other colour than black, though in the latter years with touches of white.
However, black was a traditional mourning colour in Ancient Rome (753BC – 476 AD), though the dark-coloured toga, or toga pulla, may have been any dark colour. In any case, it would have been a strong contrast to normal clothing, and an outward sign of mourning, worn to honour the dead. The mourning period of nine days ended with a feast.
The wearing of dark clothing to show sorrow and respect became an accepted tradition in Europe. For those who could not afford a complete set of dark clothes for a period of mourning, a black arm band was acceptable. It was usually worn on the left upper arm, closest to the heart.
Although Queen Victoria wore widow’s weeds for the rest of her life, she requested that her funeral should be white. Her body was dressed in her white wedding gown and veil, and her coffin was covered with a gold-embroidered white satin pall and was drawn by white horses. She also asked that the usual black drapes should be replaced with purple, a symbol both of mourning and imperial rank.
The majority of the crowd watching the procession wore black.
Though it is still customary for people to wear dark clothing at funerals, increasingly there are occasions when the family asks that bright colours or certain items should be worn, in celebration of the dead person’s life.
I can understand the dark colours, but I also like the idea of bright colours as a celebration of the deceased person's life, rather than the sadness of their death.
ReplyDeleteI'd like bright colours when it's my turn. I expect cheers and laughter and cries of 'At last,she's gone!' 😉😂🤣
DeleteI wonder when this tradition went out of fashion.
ReplyDeleteStrict rules of mourning disappeared after the First World War. There had been such tremendous loss of life, and deep mourning attire was both expensive and not good for morale. A simpler way of life was evolving.
DeleteThanks for the answer. That makes sense.
Delete😊
DeleteI have only been to two funerals and both times wore dark blue as I didn't have anything black. I am planning to let my family know they can wear whatever they like. I learned only recently about Queen Victoria's forty years of mourning.
ReplyDeleteMy view is to celebrate life, not despair over death. Easy to say, I know.
DeleteI do wear black for wakes, funerals, etc. but, then again, much of my wardrobe is black anyway. (Guess I am "deep in the widow's weeds. LOL) I wouldn't make it 40 years though. I wonder if Queen Victoria chose white for her funeral as a form of celebration that she would be free of her grief after all those years of missing her dear Albert and rejoining him in the realm beyond.
ReplyDeleteYou are spot on. Victoria wore white because she was to be reunited with her beloved Albert. It was a replaying of their wedding, in a sense.
DeleteI'm in California and the funerals I have gone to are casual. My friends husband was born and raised in Hawaii and when he passed, he wore his aloha shirt and lei around his neck as did the family. When my son died, he was 25 and all his college friends came and were casual as well.
ReplyDeleteSo sad, that Queen Victoria mourned for that long. She obviously loved her husband very much and to be buried in her wedding gown. Sad, really.
Let there be joy in the midst of mourning. Young people's deaths are so hard and it is right that they should be celebrated in colour and light.
DeleteI don't plan on a funeral. It's all set up with my son's agreement. But, like my late husband, I request people plant daffodils in my memory. I don't go to funerals, but walk the labyrinth at the time of it. Families usually like this because it's effort and focused on them and the person who's gone home
ReplyDeleteInteresting.
DeleteMy grandmother followed Queen V and wore black from the time my grandfather died until she followed him, almost fifteen years. And so I used to keep a black dress available for any funeral we both attended, as she would have been most upset had we all not been in black. She was also big on flowers planted on the family graves, the provision and care of which fell to my mother and me. My mother was not amused but she did it. Note that my grandmother's grave never had a planted flower. Not one.
ReplyDeleteThat’s kind of funny.
DeleteI’ve never put a flower on a grave.
It's an important ritual for many, and they visit the grave regularly, too. It's a comfort to them, I think. We've never done that in my family. It's a case of 'gone, but never forgotten.'
DeleteWhile I think it is the decent thing to do to show respect to the dead person as well as to family and friends in mourning, it does not necessarily have to be black anymore; a lot of such (un)written rules have been softened or completely abolished over the years. But I still would feel odd if I saw someone appear at a funeral wearing a pink sequinned top or so, unless it was by request of the deceased.
ReplyDeleteYes, there are limits to the mode of dress, I think, unless, as you say, there's a specific request.
DeleteI have been to a couple of funerals lately where bright colours have been requested in celebration of a life rather than mourning a death.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it lessens the grief, but it is an optimism that life goes on.
DeleteAnother rabbit hole. But there is also of course Whitby jet Victorian mourning jewelry as well. Which is fairly morbid being black, but it fulfills its function I suppose. It is slightly scary, especially with locks of hair.
ReplyDeleteMourning jewellery is fascinating, but I find it faintly creepy.
DeleteI don't tend to wear all-black for funerals now but I do like to show respect by dressing in more formal, smart clothes in sober colours. A sort of half and half solution.
ReplyDeleteLikewise.
DeleteI was always used to seeing people at funerals dressed up and wearing black. Now things are much more casual.
ReplyDeleteI think the dress code generally is much more relaxed.
DeleteI have lived my entire life as a naturalist and if people show up for my celebration of life looking like they are about to go birding that will be fine with me. I’ll be dead anyway, so I will neither know nor care!
ReplyDeleteThat would be a fine mark of honour, I think.
DeleteWhile I don't wear a tie, ever, funerals here will see people in blue jeans, a step too far in my opinion. But I am old and have old views.
ReplyDeleteIt's more important that they attended.
DeleteFunerals are for the people left behind. The body at the centre of it is unaware.
DeleteWhat began as ancient ritual and was intensified by Queen Victoria now gently shifts toward celebration, showing how even mourning traditions adapt to reflect how we remember the dead.
ReplyDeleteLife - and death! - move on!
DeleteWe have some odd customs or used to.
ReplyDeleteSome people cling to them.
DeleteI say bring on the bright colors and don't mourn the loss but celebrate the life.
ReplyDeleteAgreed!
DeleteI have lived long enough to see everything that once was when I was young is no more, and that include black at a funeral. Here in Florida anything goes at funeral or wedding.. my parents wore dark clothes to every funeral they ever went to.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, does it really matter?
ReplyDeleteI'm waiting for an obituary. I'll wear red and dance.
ReplyDelete. . . but not if buried at sea!
DeleteWow! Very interesting. I didn't know this about her. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteIt was an interesting life.
DeleteWay back wasn't it also tradition to have curtains/drapes drawn closed when someone had died? I'm not sure for how long they stayed this way.
ReplyDeleteThankfully these days dress code for funerals is more relaxed.
I tend to wear darker colours unless requested otherwise ... which has happened.
All the best Jan
I found this: 'In Victorian times and in Irish tradition, curtains were drawn immediately upon death, often accompanied by covering mirrors (to prevent the soul from being trapped) and stopping clocks.'
ReplyDeleteThanks for the additional information ... you've jogged my memory about the stopping of clocks too but I'd not been aware of the covering of mirrors.
DeleteAll the best Jan
In my religious tradition, a close family member to the deceased wears a torn black ribbon (to symbolize clothing torn in grief) pinned to their clothing for 30 days after the event. Perhaps this is related to the black armband. We also cover mirrors for the initial week of mourning.
ReplyDeleteThat is most interesting.
ReplyDelete