Talking to myself

 

Talking to myself

 
by Mabel Lucie Atwell

Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons

I've spent a good deal of my life talking to myself. Occasionally I've disguised it as teaching. It can look as though the little children sitting at your feet are drinking in every word when what they're really doing is wondering why they can’t go home, or why you’re so extremely old, just like their mums or even their grandmothers.

 

Sometimes, a small child will boldly reach out and touch the polished surface of your shoe to see if it really is shiny or just wet. Once in a while an infant will whisper shyly, 'I like your blouse' or even, touchingly, 'I like you.' Sometimes, they will mistakenly call you, ‘Mummy.’ Worse, they will call you, ‘Grandma.’

Children can be devastatingly honest when young, and unhampered by conformity. One day, a little girl put up her hand to say, 'Excuse me, I don't like you.' There’s no textbook answer to that.

Often actions speak more piercingly than words. Couching instructions in the form of requests – 'Would you like to . . . ?' can be answered by the child shaking his head vigorously or turning his back and walking away. If the instruction/request involves items to be sorted, or put away, the answer may be an eloquent gesture sweeping the items to the floor, or, if already on the floor, far and wide across the room. Nothing could be plainer – the child does not want to cooperate. If the instruction/request is repeated a little more firmly there are several possible outcomes:-

1: the child acquiesces and does as she is told. Result!

2: the child bursts into noisy sobs and demands his mummy.

3: the child repeats 'NO' with increasing vehemence until your ear drums are ringing, she has turned purple with rage and ends up having a full-blown tantrum, maybe even succeeding in making herself sick.

4: the child throws the items at the nearest adult (you) and possibly aims a kick at your shin.

5: the child wets himself, indicating at the same time, by the volume of the flow, that he has not emptied his bladder since the night before.

6: the child soils herself, indicating at the same time that she consumed far too much fruit the previous day.

None of these results were quite what was in mind at the beginning of the 'lesson'. I believe that the hardworking teachers of very young children deserve more generous pay than their scholarly colleagues at the other end of the age range, when students attend lessons (now known as lectures) voluntarily, are usually articulate and toilet-trained, can dress themselves, use a handkerchief, and know that writing on walls is unacceptable. Pause here, while I think about this last statement – okay, they know it's unacceptable but do it anyway, arguing the right to free expression.

Those outcomes were to be expected occasionally, but most children were shocked if their class-mates behaved so badly.

In the twenty-first century, teachers of small children have a much more challenging task than used to be the case. A lot of the problems seen today have been blamed on Covid lockdowns and the subsequent isolation of families. Personally, that’s a cop-out.

In the UK, children enter school in the September following their fourth birthday. Increasingly, many are still wearing nappies, (diapers) and sucking dummies, (pacifiers) and have no idea about sitting at a table to eat. Knives and forks are as unfamiliar to them as books, crayons, paint, conversations. They have either been completely indulged, or are accustomed to being overseen by the television or the tablet. Many are barely able to speak, the to and fro of conversation being quite alien to them.

Some parents wish to be their child’s ‘best friend’ and fear that correcting, or even guiding, their child will damage its developing personality. Is it stunting a child’s development to stop him or her punching you as you try to contain the blows? Uttering soft words, like, ‘That’s not kind,’ and ‘Remember what we said about hitting people?’ without reinforcing them, does not work. The child is desperately seeking boundaries and, not receiving them, is driven to further outrageous behaviour. I have seen such children at three years old, and a few years later in life, and they are not pleasant companions. Now thirteen, they have found that life in school has been much harder than it need have been.

It used to be the case that parents were sent letters of instruction before their child started school. They would be advised to make sure their child was able to dress him or herself, a necessary skill for PE lessons and playtime in a draughty playground, use a handkerchief, be able to look after their basic hygiene, use scissors safely, be able to listen and follow instructions. Even before a child was allowed to enter pre-school, it would be expected to be out of nappies, and able to say its name and sex.

It is unreasonable to expect teachers, and their hard-pressed classroom assistants, to undertake changing nappies and the teaching of the basic etiquette of life. It has frequently been the case, in less affluent areas, that some young children have been disadvantaged through not being exposed to books or toys, or conversation, or the companionship of their peers. Now it seems that more and more children, from all backgrounds, are not receiving the basic help they need from their families to confront life.

Some teachers report being kicked, bitten, and spat at by children as young as five. Others have taken the precaution of wearing ‘bite guards’ under their clothes. It is not surprising, then, that so many teachers leave the profession for something less taxing.