Things my mother told me

 

Things my mother told me

My mother as a schoolgirl. She was born in 1904.

My mother was not a superstitious woman, nor was she well-educated, in the modern sense; that is to say, she did not have the opportunity to go on to further education.  She was intelligent, creative and self-effacing.  Schooled in classes of 40, she nonetheless learnt to appreciate fiction and poetry and to write clearly and succinctly, more so than many graduates today.

Whenever I saw a spider and drew back in horror and fear, she would say, ‘If you wish to live and thrive, let a spider run alive.’ I don’t remember her explaining why, but somehow grew up with the understanding that spiders were a necessity of life, there to rid the house of flies and thereby bring luck and good health. I was never worried about the tiny money spiders, which were rumoured to engender wealth as well as luck.

This is cited as being in use in Kent since 1867. I was born and brought up in Kent, but my parents were Hampshire Hogs. 

One legend from the Christian tradition claims that the Holy Family was hiding from Herod’s soldiers in a cave. A spider spun a web across the entrance and when the soldiers saw it they reasoned that no-one could have entered the cave recently and so departed without further ado. Thus, Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus were saved from discovery and persecution.

My mother told me that a purse given as a gift should never be empty. Just a small coin would suffice to ensure the recipient would never be without funds. An empty purse signified future financial ruin, poor health or bad luck.

She also told me the superstition about breaking mirrors. This was reinforced by my father, so I think their concern was more about the dangers of broken glass.

My parents, circa 1930

Fragments of volcanic glass (obsidian) found in Turkey and dated to 6000 BC are thought to be some of the first mirrors made by man. Man thought that seeing his reflection was seeing his soul looking back at him, so damaging the mirror was tantamount to damaging his soul.  

The ancient Romans also thought the mirror reflected the soul so breaking the mirror was bad luck. They believed the soul regenerated every seven years, so the damaged soul of the smashed mirror would not be renewed for seven years. 

The association of souls and mirrors still holds today in some religious traditions. In observant Jewish households all the mirrors in the house are covered when a death occurs, so that the mourners may concentrate on their personal loss.                              

Blogging from A to Z April challenge Brother

A year ago my brother died.

He was five years older than me and emigrated to Canada more than forty years ago. After many years he left Canada to teach English in a Chinese school. He was made very welcome by the Chinese, finding them most hospitable and generous. Sadly, the climate disagreed with him and he developed health problems from which he never really recovered, so he returned to British Columbia, much to the relief of his daughter.

There was rarely any communication from him. My parents said little on this subject. When he did write letters they were like long essays, with nothing personal in them.

My father died and then my sister and he didn’t come back for their funerals. He returned later to spend a year at my mother’s home but didn’t maintain close contact with her after he left for Canada again. He was her only son and although she and my father repeatedly said that he had ‘always been odd’ I think she was probably hurt by his apparent indifference. I don’t believe she thought it was deliberate – more that he lived in another world inside his head.

Eventually, my mother died and once again he couldn’t afford to return to England, until he learnt that there was a legacy from her which gave him the wherewithal to travel.  So, he came back for her funeral, staying with us and then going to Norfolk to spend time with my late sister’s family.

At this time we discovered just how ‘odd’ he had become, believing that the world had been invaded by space aliens. He was not delusional – at least, not certifiably. He was just a gentle, quite passive, undemanding man who had probably spent too much time on his own and been persuaded by plausible writers of implausible things.

When my niece phoned to tell me he had died in his sleep I felt nothing apart from deep sadness for her. I hadn’t known him for many, many years and it was like hearing of the death of a slight acquaintance. I have never shed a tear over his passing and never will. I suppose I am angry with him for his lack of consideration for my parents. They deserved better.

On the Square (Part 1)

Hong Kong 1928 - aged 24

For more than sixty of his eighty-four years of life my father was a practising Freemason. His father, who drowned when his ship went down off Sheerness in 1914, was also a Freemason. In fact, his Masonic regalia was washed ashore and returned to his widow and eventually passed on to the youngest of her three sons, my father, who was then ten years old. He in turn passed it on to his only son, my late brother, in whose care it went up in flames with the rest of his possessions in a log cabin in BC, Canada many years ago. Freemasons who have only just met me know within a very short time of conversing with me that I am a Freemason's daughter, not because I tell them but because there are certain expressions or words I use that are a key to this knowledge. I don't know what they are! I used to observe my father discovering a brother mason through apparently casual conversation but never fathomed how he did it.
My father always maintained that Freemasonry was not a secret society but rather a society with secrets; there is a subtle difference. He often stated that anyone could find out anything about Freemasonry if they carried out some research. Throughout his time in the Royal Navy, which totalled more than thirty years, he knew that, as a Master Mason, wherever he went in the world he would be welcomed as a brother at any Masonic Lodge governed by or affiliated to the United Grand Lodge of England. The language might be different but the ritual was familiar and comforting. Added to this was the fact that he was an accomplished organist and pianist and could be called upon to play at meetings if required. At a time when naval commissions could take three years, recognisable surroundings and ceremonies provided a pleasant change from shipboard life and a reminder of home in often exotic locations.
My father's eldest brother, Will, was also a Freemason and continued his participation after he emigrated to Canada. Whether Harry, their middle brother and their mother's favourite, was ever initiated was never known since he removed himself from the family and cut all contact, leaving their mother heartbroken for the remainder of her life.
It is not clear how and why Freemasonry arose as an organisation. In its ritual it makes reference to the builders of King Solomon's Temple but I have always thought that its origins lay in the formal foundation of guilds of stonemasons. I suspect I was told this indirectly by my father as I'm sure this is what he believed.
The term freemason was believed to have been coined in the fourteenth century and there are several definitions of it. One of these describes a worker in free-stone. Quarry stone used in everyday building was unevenly laid down and had either a coarse crooked grain or a grain like that of a plank of pine wood. This meant that it could not be cut or carved with any degree of accuracy as it might split along any of its grains. Stone used for carving needed to have either no grain or a very fine grain so that it could be worked without cracking or chipping and could be polished if required. This stone was called free-stone. Thus a mason working with this material would be known as a free-stone mason.
Another definition describes how local stonemasons under normal circumstances were constrained by guilds and civil law to work only in their own parishes. However, masons involved in church and cathedral work were not restricted and could move freely from parish to parish. This was at a time when an ordinary workman going into a parish other than his own would be regarded as a foreigner, even if he had travelled from a neighbouring parish. Street riots could be caused by incursions from such outsiders.
Mediaeval stonemasons traditionally served a seven-year apprenticeship. Apprentices were indentured, or under contract, to their masters in payment for their training. At the end of his contract the apprentice would be examined and then set free as a master mason to follow his trade. Accordingly a master mason was considered to be a free mason.
A city or town charter is a legal document establishing a municipality which is a clearly defined area governed by a mayor and his council. This concept was developed in Europe in mediaeval times. When a town was granted a charter it was able to govern itself and its residents became citizens, free from bondage to local landowners. Within the town or city walls there was freedom from serfdom. Outside serfdom persisted legally up to the 17^th century in England. So a mason in a chartered town would be a free citizen while a mason outside the walls would not be free. Strangers entering a municipality with the intention of living there might receive their freedom or citizenship after a residential period of one year and one day.
Free stonemasons working on ecclesiastical buildings restricted their contact to other masons, keeping themselves apart from local workmen working with them. It would appear that they did this under the authority of the church. Stonemasons were highly skilled, the élite of the workforce and held in great respect by other less accomplished artisans. The craft attracted the more ambitious candidates among otherwise poorly-educated recruits.
It is uncertain how or when or even why guilds of working or operative masons began to accept speculative, intellectual, non-operative masons. What is known is that some lodges in England were composed entirely of non-operative masons by 1646.
Where does the expression 'on the square' come from? It is understood as meaning an individual behaving honestly and straightforwardly in his dealings with his fellow man. Around 945 BC, at the time of the construction of King Solomon's Temple, the ancient Egyptians referred to truth and justice as being 'on the square.' In 500 BC Confucius spoke of 'the squareness of actions' and Aristotle in 350 BC linked 'square actions' with honest behaviour. So to be 'on the square' is understood, from ancient times, to be resolute and dependable.
(I have used many sources in my research. I have been unable to recover the links but am indebted to those whose work has provided me with a greater insight into Freemasonry. I believe I have not plagiarised anyone's work – that was not my intent – there is a large body of information 'out there' to which I have added my own small knowledge garnered from my late father according to the facts he felt able to share with me.) 

Face of the Week #13 Rickshaw man

My father travelled the world while he was in the Royal Navy. One of the treasures he brought home was a silver condiment set in the form of a rickshaw. This is the face of the man pulling the rickshaw.
Sistertex of 'Spacial Peepol' organises and hosts this meme. Thank you, Sistertex. To see more please click here - and perhaps you will be inspired to join in!

The art of photography . . .

In 1901 it was possible for members of the public to purchase a Kodak Brownie with which to take photographs. However, before cameras were widely and cheaply available those wishing to have a pictorial record of family life and events went to their local photographer's studio to have a likeness made. The photograph below was taken in 1904 in Southsea, Hampshire and shows my grandmother holding my father, the youngest of her three sons. When my father was ten his father drowned off Sheerness in Kent when his ship went down. His name is on the Royal Naval Memorial in Portsmouth.
I believe this is a school photograph of my father's class. It was taken around 1910. Class sizes haven't changed much since then. Look carefully and you may see a terrier-type dog between the girls in the front row and another small black dog at the right of that row. I think my father is fourth from the left in the second row.