Wednesday, 26 November 2025

Bring back the bell!

 

Bring back the bell!

 Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons

Today I read about a horrifying event in Thailand this year. A bedridden lady of sixty-five was presumed dead and placed in a coffin and driven three hundred miles from her home to a Buddhist temple for cremation. As the priest and the relatives were talking before the ceremony, they heard a knocking from the coffin. On opening it, they discovered that the lady, though weak, was still alive. She was taken to hospital for treatment.

Although unusual, such an event is not without precedent. Indeed, one of the commenters on this article disclosed that his great-great-grandmother had sat up in her coffin partway through her funeral service. The custom at the time was to leave the coffin open until the conclusion of the service. The lady, obviously made of stern stuff, stored the coffin under her bed, and lived for a further fifteen years.

In 1999, a teacher, aged thirty-two, collapsed while swimming in Egypt. Having been certified dead, his body was being stored in a hospital refrigerator, when he woke up. Too cold to speak, he grabbed the hand of one of the mortuary staff who was trying to shut the door. Naturally, they were extremely shocked, as were his family members when he ‘phoned them to tell them the good news.

Another reported case was that of an eighty-year-old woman in Los Angeles, in 2010. She had a heart attack and was declared dead. She was put into cold storage in the hospital morgue, but regained consciousness and attempted to escape. The escape was unsuccessful. One can only imagine the fear and panic of her situation.

In 2012, in China, a lady aged ninety-five was found not moving and thought to be dead. In keeping with tradition, her body was laid in a coffin in her home. Six days later, just before her funeral, the coffin was found empty, its occupant sitting in her kitchen, preparing food.

In 2023, in New York, a nursing home declared one of its residents dead and removed the body to a funeral home (why are they called ‘homes’?) The funeral staff discovered that she was very much alive when they began to remove her from the body bag and found that she was still breathing.

It would appear that it is time to reinstate the ancient custom of the wake. ‘Wake’ comes from Old English ‘waec’ which means watch or vigil. If the coffin is to be kept in the house, family and friends can visit at any time, to pay their respects to the dead person, and to commiserate with the living and exchange memories and anecdotes. It also means that any sign of life will be noticed.

 Another form is the public viewing, when mourners can go to the funeral director’s premises to see the body in the coffin. This is a source of great comfort to many people.

 In the 19th century, when it was difficult to be confident that life was extinct, coffins were sometimes supplied with a bell and cord. The cord might be attached to any part of the body. Should the unthinkable occur, the cord would be pulled, the bell would tinkle, and the body would receive appropriate attention, hopefully before interment.

It is rare, indeed, that people are mistakenly declared dead, but it has happened.

George Washington had taphophobia, a dread of being buried alive. He told his secretary, Tobias Lear, ‘Have me decently buried; and do not let my body be put into the Vault in less than three days after I am dead.’ His coffin also had a number of holes bored in it, so that he should be able to breathe if he were to come back to life.

He also requested that his funeral be a simple, private affair, without pomp or ceremony, but that wish was not honoured. The nation mourned.

Tuesday, 25 November 2025

New to me

 

New to me

Immiserate: impoverish, make miserable

This verb appeared around 1956, but the noun, immiseration, came into use in the 1940s.

 According to ‘The Times, the chancellor immiserated business by overstressing her point about the catastrophic economic legacy left by the Tories. After that, she impoverished business, using her first budget to raise employers’ national insurance contributions (NICs) by 1.2 per cent, damaging the retail sector in particular.

I suspect many of us are ‘immiserated’ on a daily basis, but at least we can commiserate with each other.

Monday, 24 November 2025

Behave!

 

Behave!

How often in your life have you been instructed to ‘behave?’

Do you behave?

Can you behave?

I’m not sure what ‘have’ means. Is it good, or quiet, or polite, or kind, or invisible?

When I’m told to behave, my answer is usually, ‘I’m being have.’ 

Sunday, 23 November 2025

More silly answers

 

More silly answers

Prepare to groan!

1.    Tom and Ella emerged from playing in the cellar. Tom’s face was clean, but Ella had a dirty smear on hers. Why was it only Tom who went to wash his face?

They looked at each other. Tom saw Ella’s dirty face, so thought his must be dirty, too. Ella saw Tom’s clean face and didn’t know hers was dirty.

2.   A man looked out of a window. He was desperate to open it, but knew that doing so would kill him. Why?

He was in a submarine and suffering from claustrophobia.

3.   Why are 1984 bottles of whisky more valuable than 1977 bottles?

There are seven more of them.

4.   Use three identical digits to make a simple addition for which the answer is 12. You cannot use the digit 4. What is the answer?

11+1=12

5.   The fire alarm sounded in a ten-storey building. Chris, working in the building, did not make for the stairs, but jumped out of the window. How did he survive?

It was a ground floor window.

6.   Kate loved the colour yellow. All the walls in her bungalow were  primrose yellow. The doors and skirting boards were a darker yellow. The carpets and soft furnishings were daffodil yellow. Her plates and mugs were lemon yellow. Even her bath towels and kitchen towels were golden yellow. What colour were her stairs?

Bungalows don’t have stairs

.7.   You enter a deserted house late at night. Inside you find an oil lamp, a gas fire and a stove full of wood. You only have one match. Which should you light first?

The match.

 

Saturday, 22 November 2025

More silly questions

 

More silly questions (answers tomorrow)

Out of time again, so I’ve resorted to someone else’s work – that well-known person called A Non.

1.     1.  Tom and Ella emerged from playing in the cellar. Tom’s face was clean, but Ella had a dirty smear on hers. Why was it only Tom who went to wash his face?

2.   2.  A man looked out of a window. He was desperate to open it, but knew that doing so would kill him. Why?

3.   3.Why are 1984 bottles of whisky more valuable than 1977 bottles?

4.   4. U.se three identical digits to make a simple addition for which the answer is 12. You cannot use the digit 4. What is the answer?

5.   5. The fire alarm sounded in a ten-storey building. Chris was working in the building, but did not make for the stairs. He jumped out of the window. How did he survive?

6.   6. Kate loved the colour yellow. All the walls in her bungalow were  primrose yellow. The doors and skirting boards were a darker yellow. The carpets and soft furnishings were daffodil yellow. Her plates and mugs were lemon yellow. Even her bath towels and kitchen towels were golden yellow. What colour were her stairs?

7.   7. You enter a deserted house late at night. Inside you find an oil lamp, a gas fire and a stove full of wood. You only have one match. Which should you light first?

Friday, 21 November 2025

Isms

 

Isms

Pinched from elsewhere:

Socialism: You have two cows. Give one cow to your neighbour.

Communism: You have two cows. Give both cows to the government and they may give you some milk.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government shoots you and takes both cows.

Anarchism: You have two cows. Keep both cows, shoot the government and steal another cow.

Capitalism: You have two cows. Sell one. Buy a bull.

Thursday, 20 November 2025

The North Wind

 

The North Wind



The North Wind doth blow
And we shall have snow,
And what will poor robin do then, poor thing?
He’ll sit in the barn
To keep himself warm
And hide his head under his wing, poor thing!

This little rhyme originated in 16th century Britain and was first published two centuries later in collections of nursery rhymes. It has three additional verses, not regularly taught, which build on feelings of sympathy and compassion for those less fortunate.

The second verse is about the swallow.

The North Wind doth blow
And we shall have snow,
And what will the swallow do then, poor thing?
Oh, do you not know
That he’s off long ago
To a country where he will find spring, poor thing?

Swallows migrate to warmer countries for the winter. Any that attempt to remain usually do not survive. This is made clear in Oscar Wilde’s heartbreaking tale of the Happy Prince, a story I can never read aloud to children.

In the third verse, the children learn about the tiny dormouse.

The North Wind doth blow
And we shall have snow,
And what will the dormouse to then, poor thing?
Rolled up like a ball
In his nest snug and small,
He'll sleep till warm weather comes in, poor thing!

Verse four tells of the honey bee.

The North Wind doth blow
And we shall have snow,
And what will the honey bee do then, poor thing?
In his hive he will stay
Till the cold is away
And then he’ll come out in the spring, poor thing!

Referred to as ‘he’ in the rhyme, it is only the females, who are the Queen and the worker bees, who survive the winter. The workers cluster round the Queen to keep her warm and alive. The drones are only of use for mating and as there is no mating in the cold months they are pushed out of the hive and either starve or freeze to death.

A fifth verse was added later.

The North Wind doth blow
And we shall have snow,
And what will the children do then, poor things?
When lessons are done
They’ll jump, skip, and run,
And that’s how they’ll keep themselves warm, poor things.

We woke up to snow this morning, which settled briefly on the roofs and trees. At present, we have a north wind blowing. The forecast tonight is -3˚Celsius (26.6˚ Fahrenheit)