This amused me

To be pacific

Why do you always go off on a tandem,
say goodbye without further adieu?
It’s time you climbed down from your pedal stool -
this is not a phrase you’re going through,

when antidotal evidence suggests
you’ve been three-wheeling right from the start.
Or rather from the gecko, as you might say.
You’re always upsetting the apple tart.

Now I’m not saying I’m above approach:
it takes two to tangle, I won’t deny it,
But when push comes to shovel and all’s set and done,
I need rest bite, a little piece of quiet.

I’d love to curl up in the feeble position
but you pass me from pillow to post, you see,
with your Belgian whistles and semi-skilled milk -
they do not pass mustard with me.

I don’t regard you as a social leopard.
You’re no escape goat – just a hapless case,
But do be aware there may be reaper cushions
when you cut off your nose despite your face.

Brian Bilston

Brian Bilston (1970 – present) is a British poet and writer. His real name is Paul Millicheap. He started publishing short poems on Twitter and built up a following of 400,000. His work has been compared to that of Dorothy Parker and Ogden Nash.