Silence
Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Quakers, or the Religious Society of Friends, gather for worship in a very different way to most religions. There are no hymns or prayers, no sermons or sacraments, just a group of people who meet for about an hour and sit in silence facing each other, perhaps in a circle. The meeting begins as soon as one person enters the Meeting Room to sit and ends when two Quakers, usually elders, shake hands.
Quakerism is a way of life, not a set of beliefs. The enduring, overriding conviction is that ‘there is that of God in everyone’. Now, people may speak more of Spirit or Light – there is no definition of God.
As people sit together in silence a person may be moved to speak and the subject matter may be anything that a speaker feels it is important to share. The purpose is to consider what has been said, not to start a debate.
Our youngest daughter attended a Quaker school from the age of 11 to 18. Pupils and teachers alike addressed each other by their first names. The ethos of the school was honesty, equality and respect. The intention was to allow each individual to develop his or her own character and strengths.
Part of the daily curriculum was Collect, the equivalent of assembly for worship in other schools, a requirement in all UK schools. Sometimes a teacher or a student would feel the need to speak. One boy spoke in Collect to say that he was gay. Others might confess to feelings of fear or despair. Every Collect had a period of silence, of reflection.
Periodically, Sunday evening Collect was an opportunity for parents to join the school community. Normally, an invited speaker addressed the school – it might be a diplomat, a senior military officer, a journalist or other interesting person of note. The addresses were thought-provoking and always followed by the silence, a period of about ten minutes when no-one moved or spoke.
To sit in absolute silence for a period of time in a large congregation was not easy. Gradually, the silence deepened and the mind stilled. When it ended, at a signal from the senior teacher present, there was a sense of release and renewal.
Our daughter was a quiet, thoughtful child and the school allowed her to grow at her own pace into a patient, confident and compassionate adult. She may have developed in that way, anyway – her siblings have – but as the youngest, with a considerable age gap between her and them, a Quaker education was invaluable in encouraging her to find her own voice in the family.
I never knew about The Silence, never knew much at all about Quakers. I do know that if I sit silent to the point where my mind is stilled then I'm going to be asleep.
ReplyDeleteThere is always that danger;-)
DeleteThat is a fabulous introduction to Friends for the uninitiated. I lived next door to one of their meeting houses in Dunedin (NZ) years ago and have nothing but respect for their ways.
ReplyDeleteI agree. They are welcoming and open to all.
DeleteAs being somewhat anti religion, everything I've ever read or heard about Quakers has been positive in my mind, and you've just reinforced my beliefs.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteSuch a beautiful young woman, inside and out by all appearances.
ReplyDeleteThank you. She takes after her sisters.
DeleteI once had a boss who had been raised a Quaker. Sometimes, at moments when he might, as team leader, have been expected to speak, he instead stayed silent and wait for others to contribute. It was a very refreshing change in an environment where most managers would not hesitate to dominate the room.
ReplyDeleteCheers, Gail.
Such people make an impact on our lives.
DeleteHubby and I often sit in silence, I'm often crafting or watching the wildlife outside, hubby loves to sit and watch the garden. It's a thoughtful policy to have, maybe more places should practice, our world have too many (some ill informed) people who love to hear their own voices.
ReplyDeleteTrue contentment lies in the ability to remain peacefully silent when together, rather than filling the spaces with chatter.
DeleteI learned about the Quakers at school, but have forgotten a lot. Your daughter is very beautiful ! From Poppies I didn't know a lot either or almost nothing, the first I saw was in Waterloo when they had put poppy wreath around the Hougomont farm, which Charlie the dog thought they were put there for him and while we chatted, lifted his leg on each wreath. I am sorry, but I had to laugh.
ReplyDeleteWe all say too much not worth saying.
ReplyDeleteTrue - and at length.
DeleteI always think of Quakers as being peace loving and gentle with a strong faith........ as others have said, we could all learn from them.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the post x
Alison in Wales x
Thank you, Alison. x x x
ReplyDeleteHonesty, equality and respect are three fine qualities on which to base the school's ethos. Did the children graduating carry those qualities into adulthood or did the rush for academic excellence take priority?
ReplyDeleteThe school was not an academic hothouse, and there was a fine mix of intelligent students with extremely talented scholars. There was no pressure to race to the top of the tree. They all achieved what they set out to achieve, any ambitions being their own and realised through their own efforts. I believe most of them went on to university and post-graduate studies.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea about the customs of Quakerism, but it does sound very appealing. I was a quiet and thoughtful child myself, and feel as if I would have benefited from a Quaker education. Thank you for sharing Janice! xxx
ReplyDeleteMy father always told me to 'look for the good in people', though he wasn't a Quaker, and he lived his life according to that premise. x x x
ReplyDeleteThank you for that post and insight. I'd completely forgotten what I knew about Quakers because my Quaker friendship was over 60 years ago and at a time when my head was too full of other things. I shall try and think how the information can improve the way I interact with people.
ReplyDeleteThere's quite a lot of emphasis now on 'mindfulness' and I think that is a useful tool for reflection, although without the feeling of the fellowship of Meeting for Worship.
ReplyDeleteThank you. That silence sounds powerful and moving. And thank you for finding a place for your youngest daughter to grow and to thrive.
ReplyDeleteThe older children were close in age and supported each other. Effectively, Bethan was an only child with 5 parents! Now they're all adults the age difference is no longer relevant.
ReplyDeleteHi Janice - I didn't know any of this ... so I'll be re-reading and paying attention to your post - thanks so much for posting. Cheers Hilary
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your life experiences with Quakers. It must have been a wonderful education for your daughter. Much can be learnt from the Quakers silence. I grew up in a Brethren church which also observes this silence in services.
ReplyDeleteIt was a good education, in all respects. I would be interested to hear more of your experience.
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