Gilbert the Good - Would you like a carrot?

 

Gilbert the Good - Would you like a carrot?

'Did you say carrot?'

Our humans ask us that almost every day, as if we’d ever say ‘No’.

(What? Oh, sorry, ‘No, thank you.’

Me and Roxy have a carrot most days.

What? Oh, sorry, Roxy and me have a carrot most days.

What? Oh, sorry, Roxy and I have a carrot most days.

What? Oh, sorry, Roxy and I each have a carrot most days.

Some people are so fussy about the way we speak.)

Honestly, we have to watch our pees and queues here, you know. I don’t really know what queues are, but I don’t know why we have to watch our pees.

(What? Oh, sorry, it’s ps not pees, and qs, not queues. It means minding our pleases = ps and thank yous = qs. Clear as mud, that is.)

'You did say carrot, didn't you?'

Anyway, me and Roxy, I and Roxy, Roxy and me, Roxy and I really enjoy our carrots. Janice tried to photograph our expressions when she asked if we would like a carrot today, but they change so quickly and she’s not very good at the photography lark. Barry’s much better, but he’s very precise. Focal length and aperture and lenses and all sorts of other things have to be considered and that’s why he ends up with dozens of photographs of one thing, trying to get the perfect shot. Janice is a point and shoot person so that’s why so many of her photographs are out of focus, or are shots of feet, or smudged windows, or the ceiling. Anyway, she tries her best and you can’t ask more than that.

How do I know about these things? I listen. I listen really carefully. Roxy listens, too, and sometimes she hears before I do, especially if I’m in a deep sleep.

I can hear a packet of biscuits being opened in another room, or a pear being sliced. Janice wondered if we could hear a banana being peeled, but that would just be plain silly.

(What? Oh, sorry, I’ve split an infinitive. Let me see if I can sort it out. I should not have said ‘that would just be plain silly’ because I split ‘would’ and ‘be’. So, I’ll try again. ‘

That just would be plain silly’. Is that better? No, it’s clumsy, so should it be, ‘That would be just plain silly’? That’s quite difficult to say, too, so perhaps I’ll simply say, ‘That would be plain silly’ or simply, ‘That would be silly.’

I’m a dog, for goodness’ sake. Some people expect too much.)

                                                Crunchy!

To resume . . . Added to that, I have an excellent sense of smell. We have been playing retrieving games indoors and in the garden. It’s great fun. Herschel and Jellicoe join in, too, but their noses aren’t as powerful as ours so they don’t find treats as quickly as we do.

                                            'I do like carrots!'

Roxy eats much quicker than I do. She finishes her carrots and chews in half the time it takes me and she’s always looking for more food. Actually, she’s quite greedy, like most Labrador bitches. I suppose they have to eat as much as they can to build up their energy reserves in case they have puppies. I don’t think Roxy will be having any puppies.

TTFN

 

Gilbert